the past two posts have been VERY emo.hmm.but the two posts made me realised..I should not continue to emo anymore.
I have made up my mind.
I want to spread joys to people around me.esp my close ones and the one I loved deeply. =))
In life,many things are so unpredictable.and yes.no doubt underneath happiness,humans ALL have things to trouble and worry.but everything lies in the human state of mind.
no matter how tough life seems to be,I always believed a smile can made someone's day brighten up. =)) and laughters spread..and make people cheer up lots. =))
I am going to stay very strong.of course at certain times..one cant help to feel affected by some matters he or she is troubled with..but being happy will make everything turns out fine! so must be optimistic! =))
more updates soon! Monday last day of work! Sunday OFF! WOO~










the messages..
she really meant it..
and she wished to walk this journey WITH HIM..no matter how tough its going to be..
no matter what happens in the future..no one knows..but she knows she want to treasure him when she still have the chance to..









she loves him.and she misses him lots. =)

I feel like tearing.I am touched.really.I am not good in expressing myself.I really thank my besties and few really v gd friends for being here for me always..I didnt know alot people actually read my blog.just that they dont tag.my besties and few v gd friends understand me..they dont probe..they always stay by my side to comfort me..talk me round..care for me..and never give up in persuading me to see life in many different ways..and they know someday when i am ready to share whatever problems i am facing,i will.If i do not wish to share,i will just keep quiet.but whenever i am out with them,no matter how hard i try to put on a smile all day long or to really laugh happily all day long..they still can sensed..[qi is troubled.]even i dont talk much..i still will make every outing a wonderful one with my close ones..i feel that i shouldnt let my things affect my outings with them..
actually..I am fine in all aspects..still living life to the fullest..no worries people.. =))
i read a certain blog..I am very sure the person is me..i dont know why you suddenly came up with that post for me..hmm..maybe you can tell me the reason? =) anyway..I have to thank you..you have really been a great friend all these while..time passed very fast..and you have found your happiness.. =) you always try to reply to my messages no matter how busy you are..and from your messages..i really learnt some things from you..and your messages cheer me up alot.. =) you are my good friend..and will always be.. =) as for the past..really very long ago..why you brought it up..hahas..
and now i have a few people to thank..[if names not mention here,doesnt mean i forgotten you okay.]hahas.
Chewheng.[friendship reaching 8th year. =)]
Meilin.[my cousin.my 'sis'. =)]
Abby.[a true friend.one of my bestie too.and a busy friend as well.hahas.]
U.[you know who you are..hahas..my good friend and "hao jie mei" HA HA. =P]
Shihui.[always here for me to make me laugh..hahas..and thanks for your tag as well as the msn chat.. =)]
Shuyi.[my 'laopo'..my busy friend too..hahas..always supporting me through esp during my tough times..]
and a few more..shall continue the namelist again.. =P
and my current workplace..my colleagues..alot of people to thank..wait till this job ends..then i will put the names up here okay..hahas..we all must cheer up togather! few more days only! hang in there! =))




she dont wish to be drifted apart from him..
but she knows nothing gold can last forever..
she wish to bring him happiness..
she dont know what the future holds for them..
she dont want to let him see her tears..
she wants him to feel loved..
she hopes to see him smile..from his heart..
she loves him..and she really do..
she will treasure every time spent with him..as long as she gets to see him..
she really cares for him..and..
she will stay strong..very strong..





will he let her love him..

Finally.I got my off day.hopefully this week will be a slack one.DONT change my schedule pleaseeeee. =(
next week will be preparing for taiwan trip.i think i can finish packing in like less than three days. =P seriously the excitement level seem to drop somehow.
I am going to get a pair of new shoe next week as well.plus my new handphone.i think so?I wanted to trim my hair but decided not to.i also dont know why. =X
two weeks of work going to end soon.i am not going to continue.see how in the future ba. =)
now planning for christmas.i shall make it a memorable one for my close ones. =)
thanks dearie for making my off day a wonderful one. =) 1month plus more..our friendship..the 8th year.. =) I shall have a long post on Jan 09.for you.sound very mushy. =P but really.thanks so much all these years for being there for me whether its joys or sorrows..you always pull me out of any situation I faced..and you never fail to be there for me when i really need someone to have a laugh with me,a shoulder to cry and you have been a great listener.. =)
will see you soon in the upcoming month..togather with my cousin.. =)
going to start thinking what christmas gifts to get for my close ones. =)
and i will try meet as many people as possible for the upcoming month..I am sorry friends..my shcedule is a little tight at times..I will try to meet you all okay.. =) but dec 12 to 20 i will not be in singapore so do not contact me during that period okay.. =)
workplace have been pretty happening.i shall update about my workplace after this week. =)
I got to meet a few really nice friends.. =) and of course theres some meanies too.. =P









last night.she isolated herself.and she teared.she didnt really sleep.her heart aches so badly.but she didnt utter a single word the entire night to any of her close ones.she didnt make any calls to her besties.she didnt message them too.she just silently teared..with the accompany of a box of tissue paper..
she was not shocked by the messages she received.because shes fully aware about everything already..she didnt run away..she just want to face the situation in a very optimistic way..
her past made her realised she cant be too emotional..she have to control when shes outside with friends and people she faced..she cant let her emotions went out of control..she have to try solve everything in a calm and rational way..
she thought she will stay single for her entire life..because she intended to do so after the first failure..because the blow is way too huge..she really decided to close the door of her heart..because someone she loved so much actually hurt her too deep for her to recover.after two years..miracle happened..one day she met him..someone who melts her heart..and with contacts and etc..and time passed.. she knew she is really ready for a new rela..so she entered..
shes aware of the situation he is facing..but she really hopes to help him..wishing one day she can help him overcome the obstacle that has been staying in his heart..she knew what is going on throughout..but she told herself its okay..love is selfless giving..love is forgiveness and grace..isnt it..she knows nothing gold can last forever..life is so unpredictable..who knows what the future hold for him and her..but she still hope one day he will love him with all his heart..she doesnt know what kind of feeling he is looking..because in every diff rela..the feeling is different..she doesnt know how to help get the feeling back..and due to his commitments in army..both of them can only get to meet once per week or when theres time..so how can she help find the feeling back..she have been trying her best..but she feels so useless..but still put on a smile..everyday..she really feels very helpless when she sees him stress..she can only teared quietly..
she feels shes not worthy of his love..because she wanted him to be happy but doesnt seem to be able to make him happy..
all these while she loved him wholeheartedly..but she knows how he feels for her..hes still lost..not knowing what to do..she knows all these will take some time..so she never hurry him or add on extra stress to him..and shes contented as long as she gets messages from him..it doesnt matter how he treat her..because she understand hes in a difficult position..
shes so upset..even till now..no more cries..but tears still..
when she is alone waiting for train..or buses..shes in a daze..and theres tears in her eyes..but after that control it..because she want to live up promise to be happy once again..she will be fine very soon..by tomorow.. =)
shes very sad..but she knows she have tasks on hand too..so she must try balance everything well..
her heart never aches so badly like now..she really treasure him alot..
but she will be okay..and she definitely will.. =)
she loves him..and she will understand him no matter what.. =)
let nature take its course..
she went for her swim..and she stopped her tears..shes going to be very strong..and from the bottom from her heart..she really wish she can tell him she loves him..when she sees him..she really wants to hug him tight when she sees him..one day..if he really leave her..she told herself she must understand him..

I shant elaborate more about my assessment day.well,to conclude,I am pretty "lucky" because HOD went in when its my turn. >.<
and this is not the first time.It happens for my every assessment.this is gonna be interesting.in a way,i think?oh well,I shut my mouth whenever its necessary.hah.
if anyone does read my so-called emo post..on how lousy i feel when i knew assessment is just one day away..yea.NOW.I shall announce ASSESSMENT day is OVER! WOOHOO~guess what? party time! ahahahahs. *throwing pillows* *jumping around on bed* *singing and dancing around like no one business* *yearning to hug 'someone' RIGHT NOW* hehe. =P
Seriously,past weeks have been tough.Its too insane to imagine.really.those days are meant to be remembered for life.hahas.nightmares.my god.that kind of stress.I dotn wanna think about it now.hahas.
assessment surprisingly turns out fine for me..hehe..dont wanna talk much on it already..I will work very very hard when sem 2 arrives..a promise to myself.. =))
I am broke.I am looking for sales.hahas.i want movies.i want shopping.i want sports.i want more outings.I got a part time job.working for calvin klein.not going back past jobs. =)
have been very lazy.I didnt want prepare things for my upcoming taiwan trip.hahas.
I cant wait for XMAS! every xmas meant so much to me and my cliques. =) this year,xmas celebration shall be a little different.I wish to take out time for someone. =))
hmm.MORE MORE MORE outings! hee.tomorrow meeting abby! and will be able to see my cousin and her clique too! wheewhee! need to go down to paragon calvin klein for some things also. =))









*misses*

Wednesday 12/11/08 gonna pass VERY SOON.

I am well prepared.hold on.I havent complete what I wanted to say.hahas.I know I have disappoint myself this Sem.I know I gotta get tons of SHIT tomorrow.ASSESSMENT DAY.I have prepared enough tissue paper.I have prepared an empty head to go there to store all kinds of insulting,sarcasm,screaming,shouting,lecturing and any words that they will say to bring me down down and DOWN.even my work is gonna to be thrown to the ground or out of the window,I am prepared.I am standing stronger.thanks alot daddy.without his encouragement and teachings,i will still be sitting down and not wanting to stand up.because I have lost my balance.

he have already seen life more than i do.to him,little things like what will be happening tomorrow is nothing.to me,it may be a time that will make me remember for life.I made the choice to step into art.so I faced what is coming.I have to be responsible for every decision I made.daddy know for this Sem,the stress I am going through but still not able to really excel and do it well..he knows everything.he supports me through and say its okay to waste abit more of time to retake this and that.he say important thing is i have to prove to myself I can do it if others can.and I gonna live up the promise i gave him.after my holidays,i will put in alot of hard work and work for my weaker modules.as well as those better ones.i MUST go beyond challenges.

Now I know nothing i can do to make tomorrow a better one.so go into the room with a positive attitude,face the consequences,control my tears inside and say thank you to everyone of them who will give me a hell time and leave the room telling ymself no more shit for the upcoming sem.NO MORE.I WILL NEVER allow that to happen anymore.This is still the first time I have little fears and worries.this is the first time i really let myself down.though not for all work.but for majority.never felt this way like now.feel so terrible.I know i have to learn to take it easy because this is part and parcel of life.no point crying over split milk.at most,after all shit,come out,have a little bit of tears and everythings over..I will use actions to prove to not others but myself that i can do a much much more better job when school starts again.let my nervousness last for 1 more day..I dread school.but for the sake of that piece of paper that will lead me to the key of success,I have to bear with it.Look ahead.tough days will be over.it will be over..

I have alot more to face when I am out to society..and by that time,i work for the sake of money..to survive..holidays jobs are just to gain experience..real working life.isnt as easy as it seems to be..

thanks to my besties who have been staying with me duing this period of hell,and to my daddy and uncle all,many thanks to you all.i dont know how to express through words..but i really appreciate all that you all have told me..I will go through these difficult times..i will.. =)

thanks carol for sharing with me so much too.. =)

All the best to everyone on their assessment day.. =)
Here I come to face the outcome! My shitty day..November 12..Sigh~what a horrible feeling..ahh! *bang wall* =X




AND..she knows he is going to be back very soon.. =))

Its very hurtful and painful to know every truth in every matter.well,no matter how far I run..can never reach the final destination because theres absolutely no way i can run away.

this is life.

If one place herself in a very pitiful state,ever thought of people whos suffering..troubling over three meals..worrying about utilities bills..and how their future will be like..so nowadays before I got too emotional..i will think twice..

when I feel I am the ONLY one facing stress..whos not facing it..appearances are deceiving..who knows whats hiding underneath those people who are living condos..driving bmw..working as a ceo in a big company..maybe they are facing worst kind of stress I can never imagine?maybe my stress is just a training so that i can cope better when I am out to society to work?perhaps I should really be more optimistic once again..and brace up..no matter how tough life is going to be..I already knew life is never easy and is full of sufferings..I shall save my everyday..and make it a better one..isnt it better?

or should i really cry my hearts out..once and for all..but I am sure I am going to tear as long as theres some happenings that will never stop me from holding my tears..

ironic thoughts.

I guessed everyone see 'stress' differently.my dad often told me..bear with it..control..and i will be able to see light ahead..

I think I have seen too much darkness..I feel negative at times..no matter how strong i am..i still have my weak side..

i know whatever happens..i will always have support from my close friends,my family and my uncle all.BUT.i cant rely on them forever..and for now,I pray to god..please bless my uncle with good health..during childhood times when my parents were busying working..my uncle family have been taking care of me..and i have a very very very close bonding with my uncle..all the memeories he had given me..I never forget and will never forget.all I know now is..I have to visit him very often and take care of him..

i told myself and my close ones..I will stay very strong and pull through tough times..but if one day,i really feel i need get out of all those terrible horrible shit and etc..when its beyond my control..i will make a choice..and i know i will have support from my family,close friends and my uncle all. =)

I am numb.because I dont feel anything..when I am having a high fever..when I am feeling so sick and seriously need to see doctor..

everyday different happenings.good or bad.life still have to move on..
seriously..sometimes i feel kinda tiring..live happily as a child..live with worries and anxiety during sec and tertiary times..fear results are bad..fear for these and that..create so much stress for oneself..come to society to work..hoping to earn lots of money..to satisfy own wants..people play politics..to achieve what they want..and again,stress..much more stress compared to schooling times..after that..people worry again..for what i dont know..all i can say is the stress is never ending..and when one can finally take a break..he or she realised..health is starting to give them problems..and worries is here again..plus sufferings..sometimes..dont understand life..
but since we humas are in this world..guess there is no turning back also..so shall make full use of everyday..by living it to fullest..i will try to cheer myself up..feeling too emotional these days..guess art industry is really lots and lots of hell..studying this line doesnt mean i will end up getting into this line..so i will carefully make a correct choice..

I used to have alot of dreams in the past..hoping to earn lots of money..eat well and live a good life..thinking that what will truly makes me happy all all these.I am wrong.totally wrong.

every little setbacks I faced..my thinking changes..
all I want now is true happiness..lots of money wont make me smile from my heart..and money is never enough and one can never stop earning it.but being contented with what i have and treasuring it is more important than anything else..only this way,i will feel happier..

简单就是幸福。

anyway,life is so busy as usual..i shant elaborate much on it..
I have yet to find any holiday job..boo.

I wish..to go Sydney with my loved one..I really loved the scenery there..and i really hope someday..i can travel around with my loved one..let go of all stress..and go overseas to enjoy.. =)

spore too small..hahas..

I want a camera..still saving $ to get one..my cameras are all lagging..need to retire already..ahahas..

hmm.thats all for now..take care everyone.. =))

Donna Lewis - I Love You Always Forever

Feels like, I'm standing in a timeless dream
Of light mists, of pale amber rose
Feels like, I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent
Touching, discovering you

Those days, of warm rains come rushing back to me
Miles of windless, summer night air
Secret moments, shared in the heat of the afternoon
Out of the stillness, soft spoken words

Chorus:
I love you, always forever
Near and far, closer together
Everywhere, I will be with you
Everyday, I will devour you
I love you, always forever
Near and far, closer together
Everywhere, I will be with you
Everyday, I will devour you

You've got, the most unbelievable
blue eyes I've ever seen
You've got, me almost melt away
As we lay there, under a blue sky
with pure white stars
Exotic sweetness, a magical time

(Chorus)

Say you'll love, love me forever
Never stop, not for whatever
Near and far and always and
everywhere and everything

Say you'll love, love me forever
Never stop, not for whatever
Near and far and always and
everywhere and everything

Say you'll love, love me forever
Never stop, not for whatever
Near and far and always and
everywhere and everything

(Chorus)