每一天，就算心理并不是真正快乐，我还是把生活过的充实。
我不断的前进。。就算在每个方面都能够应付。。
我还是觉得自己是个失败者。
我的心好痛。心理下了一场好大的雨。
我在雨中不停的寻找你，我好想念你。。你知道吗？
但现在我才学会珍惜。。是不是太迟了。。
我就算不放开。。你也会离我而去。。
难道我们真的必须这样结束。。




我好想对你说。。 。。 。。
我爱你。

maybe saying too much in my past rela.this time round,I am loss for words now.I only know how to keep quiet and dont know how to expressed out all my feelings.I hide some emotions.In the past,I will work hard to bring back the rela until i know after many tests..we still cant go through or for some reasons..now..I agree on things too easily..I fear I will become too emotional..I fear I will say something wrong..and hurt the other person and myself..I am very sensitive to people's feelings..especially in rela..
I learnt alot from my past rela..really..I am very thankful to someone who once given me the best memories.but also I have let go of all the hurt and pain he had given me.but the scar will stay in my heart forever.and heres something I wish to let you know..the best memories you had given me..I will keep it inside my heart and nothing more.you should treat your gf well now..give her happiness..and dont hurt her..that will be your greatest gift to me..really.you know it yourself the hurt and pain in the past is unimaginable.too scary..you know very well..I am a girl who is very devoted to a rela and dont let go easily..but one incident after another..you know I am at my wits end and near to breaking down.really..forgive me for making a decision now..dont think about anything else now..treat her well..all the best.. .. ..if you dont think too far now..I promise we are still friends..you should treasure what you have now..

I never know I am so useless and stupid..
I never know I am so weak in rela..
I thought I could handle everyth well..
but in rela..I am just nothing.I dont have special ability to bring miracles.
why didnt I treasure what I have..and let him go..why..
why am I tearing these 3 weeks..why am I thinking about him all these while..why..that longing feeling..why is it even in taiwan..hes still on my mind every moment..why..why am i tearing silently when I am in taiwan..why..
I see something in myself..I fail to prove something..I cant even go through a single test or obstacle with him..am I worth to stay in his heart..I wish so much to keep him..but he will run right..i dont know..i fear..my appearance..makes him unhappy right..I dont know..i hope to salvage everything..will make him stressed..am i right..i dont know..my hurt and pain..will someone ever understand..I am so helpless..really very lost..I missed him so much..should I just give up like that..should everything end in this way..why is it ending this way..loving someone..should be walking with him no matter how tough the journey its going to be right..why am I letting him to walk alone..he doesnt allow me to walk with him right..I dont know..I dont have answers to all these questions..I wish my tears can stop..but it never stops..especially inside my heart..
hes someone I wish I can hold him till the endless of time..but I can never be the one for him right..i dont know..

anyway.thanks to my few besties for staying with me all these while..lets treasure the time we have..and lets study hard and play hard togather.. =) sy..alot of things..i can really understand..especially what you are going through now..you will be fine.. =)




I have alot to say..but I will stop here for now..take care all..




he once told me..I am someone who will let go when the string snaps..but I am not..I dont want to let go..
I wish i can share all my happiness with him..
these few weeks made me regret..for not keeping him..




will i ever get to see him again..
the last time when I saw him is the time he bought me two bottles of water..

he meant so much to her..
but her emotions cant went out of control..not supposed to have the longing feeling..but why is it still hanging around..after weeks..
she only expressed her feelings to herself..because again and again..she knows the answers herself.. .. ..she told herself..his happiness is what that matters most..so she got to control her emotions..

Merry Christmas to all..
[she wished she can have him by her side to celebrate this Christmas.. .. ..]
[shes dreaming again..]

Good times never lasts.Hello all.I am back from my one week taiwan trip. =)
kinda missed the days when I am over there.the trip made me grow up once again.learnt alot things.and got to see people true colours..especially the ones you have been with them for years but didnt realised they are actually people who are so abcdefg so yarhs.you all know what I meant la huh.hahas.
I am still the one who loves to spread joys to people's life.to chat,to have fun and to be serious when its time to be. =)
Its always best to keep quiet and smile when you see people playing twist and turn games with you.seriously,testing patience.playing mind games skills comes in at this point of time.well,cant be help.to not give myself more troubles..acting dumb is the best solution.let people voice out their unhappiness.If everything goes beyond my control,only then I will give some comments.I am human.I have human rights too,isnt it? =)
lets not talk about other people now.Priority is to do my own part well. =)
really enjoyed myself with my few friends..I have uploaded some photos to friendster so people,can check it out there. ;)
loved shopping over there though main objective is to go there for religion.hehe.through my religion..really learnt alot..and very touched also.. =))
and its a pity cant go wu men fu at taipei to shop.hahas.but never mind.I will save $$$$$$$$$ to go in few years time! and I want hongkong! and sydney!!!!! =P
christmas is reaching..whee..meeting besties and good friends! and will get to see my little JADON! =))
I think I am not the only one who realised that..my few friends do feel the same way as I do too..every year end sure bound to have some happenings one.sigh~
after christmas..I want to read more books..do more researches to prepare for school reopen which is in around 3 weeks time?hahas..a little kiasu la hor.hahas.I want do well.. =)
and 31st Dec!!!!! last day of 2008! wonder how my day will be like..every year on this day i am always stoning at home.. =X




she never forgotten him during that one week trip.
he is always on her mind..
did he forgotten her..
sorry..
she couldnt stop her mind and heart from thinking and having that longing feeling..
she will be able to handle her emotions well..

3am flight on friday.
all of sudden..brings me back to some time ago..when someone was away for three weeks..at that time..I wish so much I can go train with him..but thats not possible..still remember on that day..the last day I will get to see him before he fly..I left him with a smile..and teared when I am on my way to take bus..I dont know how to express out my love for him that time..really..I dont know why I can be so useless at times..why cant I just show my feelings bravely..instead of keeping a little inside my heart..I didnt know I am that dumb..
my heart long to be with him..every moment before hes going overseas..when hes over there..I am facing the toughest period.too many tasks on hand.I feel like a failure.but still,I managed to pull through with the support of my besties..and with the determination in me..I never want say die..because I believed 'attitude plays a very big part in my life..right attitude is the key to success..I have come to realised that..and thats not too late..
and during that time..some incidents happened too..though hes not by my side..I have always placed him tight in my mind and heart..I know hes supporting me even though he seem to be very far way from me..toughest period will still passed..and I made it through..really glad..and I know in future..I will be facing more things..so i cant afford to fall..
still remember every day that time..though cant contact much..I pray for him every night before I sleep..hope hes safe over there..now come to think of it..my face wears a smile..
3weeks are not short..but not long too..soon..the awaiting day came..feeling very happy..but the happiness stopped..very soon..I dont know..I really dont know..should everything end this way..why is it ending this way..I have got no answers to these questions..my weak side revealed again now..
at this point of time..my tears went out of control again..
I am sorry.I am weak..
I know at airport tomorrow night..I will cry..dont laugh at me alright..I know..in life,one day can have alot of happenings..so I am really leaving singapore with worries..seems like I am going to cry everytime my friends fly..or my turn to fly..sigh..I feel like a crybaby..hahas..









maybe.




she is not worthy of his love.




she hate herself.




for not being able to give him happiness.




If.




she had a chance.




she wont allow herself to ruin everything.




crying doesnt seems to help.
but she treasure everything too much..
she never knew everything matters so much so much.. ..





she hopes to see him..




her wish cant seem to fufil..




she is going to leave with tears..




and back with tears..









his three weeks.she cant bear to see him go.and she looked forward for him to be back..
her eight days.shes reluctant to leave..and shes going to be back with tears..the longing feeling..the empty feeling..

well.seems like I have been updating my blog these few days.I gonna miss singapore so much though its only 8days trip.i felt silly though.and I want to go sydney and hongkong and many other places..I am greedy..hehe..
Friday.soon.I should be feeling excited.but thats not really the case.I am quite sad actually.I am going to miss quite some people.those I am really closed with.Uncle,take very good care of yourself okay! qiqi will be fine.. =))
went out with chuan and shuyi today..it was a great outing..we sang alot of 'nice' songs..hahas..and was really super cold..aircon is FOC.lol.and went arcade.tried the new machine! =)) chuan is an expert..hahas..and I went to get some things too.. =))
took some photos.will upload when I am back from my trip.hahas.but sadly,no group pic.. =(
guess I am slowly getting used to my handphone..hehe..
and I saw chinhuat today! and his girlfriend! =))
well,and I saw the auntie I used to work with! so glad to know shes fine.enjoy chatting with her.. =))
I dont know if I am looking forward to christmas this year..but the plans are almost all settled..so yarhs..see how ba..I will make it a great one no matter what..so yea.. =) still,there are free time where i can meet other people..so people if want ask me out,can message me.. =))









she wears a smile in and out everyday.she is not truly happy in her heart.why is that so.
she keeps herself so busy almost everyday.she make an effort to revert back to her old happy self.shes trying hard to make everything fine.
compared to the past,she feels she have grown up alot..but shes a human afterall.
theres love in her heart still.but the love no longer open to anyone anymore..she decided to keep it for him...just keeping it silently..till the day he found his happiness..she will buried the love in her heart..shes aware they are friends..so she didnt say anything..just caring for him..knowing that hes fine..and everything turns out better for him..she will feel glad..
she have been a strong girl.but her weak side always revealed when shes alone.she suppressed her feelings these days.and when alone..she will cry a little.for ten minutes.not all the times.but when she couldnt suppressed her feelings anymore..she will cry..
no worries..shes okay..
she just wants to gives him happiness..but when she try to reach..she will somehow fall..and trying to stand up again..









one has to learn to believe.only then will be able to see hope..









to her..when missing him is a happiness..and not pain..
she understood..this is love..
but she knows that ONE star is moving away from her..
she doesnt know what to do..









life still moves on.and..









she dont know how to put it..

Outing with my FT clique on PH!! Hope everyone enjoyed themselves! =))

Guilong and Hui Xi wedding at TG! =))
Photos uploaded..! =))

Thanks so much so much mummy.She got me a small emboriodery backpack.and it cost $40.very expensive.felt so bad after she made the payment.shouldnt have made her spent.. so much..just because I said I liked it alot..and was staring at it for quite some time..
she got me one pair of shoe..for trekking?hahas..i loved the texture and the design..and my dad got me a pair of leather shoe..white colour..very cool..i loved it too.. =)
mummy say I have got really nice accessories..hahas..I have spent years collecting it..and alot are very unique..and she was wondering what I accessories I will be wearing for tomorrow wedding dinner..hahas..i told her nothing complicated..simple and nice..I loved my grey dress the most..plus another dark grey one..but I will be wearing a light green dress tomorrow..dont know why..no mood for grey dress?grey colour very emo leh.. =X hopefully green one looks good? =) will definitely upload photos.. =)
but dont laugh if I look ugly ah.. =(
i think I can pack luggage really very fast..hahas..'phyphy' must be enjoying herself in hongkong now.. =)
christmas plannings are more or less plan already..but still have some free time in between..so people..if you all want meet me..can let me know the time alright.. =)
still havent get use to using my new handphone.. =(
flying in few days time..must shop shop shop.. =)
somehow..the excitement level no longer rise..it goes down instead..sigh..guess only I know the reason myself..
I think the colouring looks aweful..was trying to help cousin with the colouring of illustrations..her school standard really weird..hahas..its okay..I will try my best yea.. ;)
monday public holiday..meeting ft clique..going new cafe..whee..but will be a short day..I guess? =)
was thinking of some new theme for my upcoming projects..and stealing some ideas from my cousin..muahahas..so I wont have a headache..evil huh..hahas.. =P
cant wait to see my besties..sigh..wait for me to come back okay girls! =)
lux..want meet me before I fly ah?
hmm..I was wondering whos the smiley face..the one who tag my board..I guessed the person..is..sy?hahas..
anyway..glad to know chuan didnt take up the job! =)
and got people say I photogenic..hahas..I didnt know..u all want make me happy so say that right! hahahahahas..
hmm..i want watch Phantom of the Opera..anyone got the dvd or what?hahas..
well..thats all for now.. =)




smiles and laughter..hiding underneath..only she knows..
its okay..shes fine..
she wish for a miracle..she missed him.










Halfway round the globe,the star loses its light,she tried to reach out with all her might but she just couldnt grab..As the star she yearn so much..continue to fade away..all she saw was darkness and a dim of light still..she dig and dig towards..hoping to see him..

my last day of work..ended well.but was very very busy.the tons of boxes of stocks.and the bazzar stocks.and the packing and everything.the dust made my nose so itchy..and I sneezed like no one business.my god.I pray I dont get sick.phew..I am fine..shoo shoo medicine..
well..pay will be after christmas..this is super depressing..no choice but to wait..
have been saving money..and I am still feeling broke..I will be flying to taiwan next friday..hope to be able to get something nice for my close ones..and lux..I wont forget to get something for you.. =) you and the other two so mean.. =P how can laughed at me..you say i silly somemore..you know what I meant okay! you! humph.but that time was a very memorable way of seeing her off okay..I see her cry for the FIRST time leh.hahas.one just came back.another one flying to hongkong this friday.and yes.dont forget your highness is flying next friday.hahas.and you..erm..flying next next friday? =XX anyway..thanks ah..your blog..hahas..what a post..say I copy your idol..that idea not I came up one leh..hahas..but thanks thanks..I know I am your beloved..hahas..I am very touched but I wont cry.. =P
we shall meet soon..soon.. =)
dearie,I missed you alot..will see you around christmas alright..meanwhile,take care..coming to 8years of friendship..wa..time files..and I wont forget the belated birthday celebration.. =) I have got little surprises for you.. =) and my cousin will be joining..I will make the outing a memorable one for you and my cousin.. =) anyway,thanks for the messages and call today..take care at work okay.. =)
abby,misses! misses! misses.. =( you fly around..but I never forget you said you wanted meet me around christmas..and I saw the pictures..*ahem*..will start interrogating you..hahas..tell me stories okay..hahas..
cousin..sorry if we didnt get to contact so often nowadays..i know you have been very busy with school projects..I will help you whenever you need my help..so dont get too stress..Jiayou.. =)
shuyi dearie..thanks so much so much..for everything..really..and I read the postcard..I am very touched..I teared..and you have talent in drawing..really.. ;)
and thanks for the chinatown trip..and the longgggg walk from fullerton to chinatown..hahas..though we sweat like mad..I guess you are feeling good after that.. =)
and really paiseh ah..I didnt meant to laugh at what you told me regarding that aura tinky..I know you care.. =)
hope you enjoyed this trip..
shihui..I will be seeing you soon yea..dont miss me too much okay..hahas..but feb is reaching soon..aww..I will miss you alot..must send me letter ah..hahas..
and my cousin is going overseas soon too..my god..will be away for quite long also..ahh..misses..and I am glad the mood board pictures were alright.. =)
anyway..went to uncle james house yesterday..I shared with uncle my thoughts and my feelings on some things..I teared..and hugged him..I have made him worried..sorry uncle..I am fine..dont worry anymore.. =) since young,because I am being taken care by my this uncle family..and even after I have grown up to a big girl..they are still here for me regardless of what and always give me the best..others say they have spoilt me..I dont feel that way..because..from them..I learnt to treasure peope around me more..and I become stronger and stronger..I am not spoilt..I can be an independant girl..but when it comes to affairs of the heart..I admit I am not that strong..
anyway..saw my little nephew yesterday..Jadon..boy boy is getting cuter.. =) 2yrs old..but he learnt alot in school..he saw me yesterday..very happy..and sing songs for me..and he talked alot..though a few things he said I dont understand..hahas..I still nod and pretend to understand..hahas..his own language..and I was stoning..he asked me dont worry..sit down..and he clean the floor..and ask me to play toy toy with him..so cute right..hehe..though the way he pronounce words still not accurate..but I feel hes very clever at his age.. =))
I guessed he knew I am stoning.. =XX he brought his little yellow pillow to my lap..lie down..then after that gave me hug hug..very sweet of him..loves jadon boy boy.. =)
and my other friends..I missed you all..hope everyone is doing fine..take care.. =)





she teared.and she have had a bad cry.
her heart aches so so badly but she knows..
she have given him a promise..so she got to stay strong..










the relationship meant so much so much to her..